So many times I look at my life and wonder where I would be now if I had never gotten sick? I am 40 years old now and just never thought my life would have turned out this way. I’m living with my parents. I’m single and have no children. But I have a loyal dog! I really thought I would make a great mother. I love kids. I was never asked to be anyone’s godmother, which really hurt. I often wondered why no one wanted me to be their child’s godmother. And I’ve never been a maid of honor. Why? I’m not sure. The closest I ever got was to be a wedding coordinator for my roommates wedding. That was such an honor. I got to make sure things went smooth on her wedding day. It was really fun. After that, I had thought about becoming a wedding planner.
But after college, I sought out jobs in the counseling industry and took a job where the atmosphere was hostile between staffers and no one was on the same page with the kids in the group home. It was a hostile work environment because the kids would ask me to do something against the rules and I’d say no. Then the other staffers would say yes. It was crazy. From there, I took a job in the office as a customer service rep. Then the nightmare started. I started with my migraines all over again (just like in high school). I was exhausted and in pain. I ended up quitting that job because my boss was making it a very difficult place for me to work. I was being bullied and now a days, that would probably be punishable. I just didn’t know what to do at the time. From there I took a few other jobs in the office. I lost my jobs to my illness. I would work for 2 years and they would end up firing me because I would miss too much work. It was a repetitive cycle. Then I decided I would work on my Master’s to find something that I loved to do. Perhaps that would make life easier. So I got my Master’s in Human Resources and in Counseling. I couldn’t do anything with them either. I found my dream job at a DUI facility. I was running group sessions for clients who were convicted with DUI’s. I loved the job and I was being groomed for bigger and better things.
My life took a turn for the worse when I started having stomach pains. It got worse and worse, I went into the ER. After the third night in a row of me being in the ER, they finally took it seriously. I think the fact that I looked like I was 6 months pregnant made things a little alarming for them. Come to find out I had a bowel obstruction. I went in for the surgery. When I came out of it, my oxygen levels dropped below 50% and my heart rate shot up to 180-200 bpm. They knew something was wrong and took me back into the operating room. Come to find out I contracted something in my lungs, in the OR. It was so serious that they ended up putting me in a medically induced coma. I was in a coma for 3 days. The doctors told my mom that chances are I wasn’t going to make it. THEN, my mom was in the waiting room of the ICU and a Spanish lady came up to her to ask if she could pray with her. My mom said yes. She asked if she could come in my room and pray over me. My mom agreed. We are believers and would welcome any help at that point. My mom said she prayed over me. After that, I began improving and the doctors had no explanation. My mom, dad and I do! We know the Lord had a hand in healing me. I was taken out of the coma and began healing after that. The lady asked if she could meet me. We said of course. She came in and prayed over me again. And I could feel her energy come right through my body. It was a warming sensation. I really started healing after that. I don’t know how to explain it. That was almost 3 years ago.
Life with Fibromyalgia-Written on 4/22/10-So life with fibromyalgia is not an easy route. I have pain everyday of my life. But it’s to what extent I can handle the pain both mentally and physically. Today I can’t handle it either ways. The pain really gets me down. I have so many physical ailments that accompany my illness….mitrovalve prolapse, IBS, migraines, shingles, and a lowered immune system because of the syndrome. I am on some meds but mostly minerals, herbs and vitamins. I am trying to do this as naturally as I can. But when the pain is as bad as it is tonight there is nothing that I can do. I just have to suffer through it and hope that tomorrow is a better day. This syndrome really gets me down. I can’t have a normal day or life. The pain is always there and my nerves are always rapidly firing. So something always hurts. Some have occasional back aches, headaches and can take something for it to get rid of it. Perhaps a massage or a cold/heat pack can help. Not me. First, don’t touch me when I’m in pain…it sends me off into more pain….then some meds aren’t strong enough to settle the pain down. So I sometimes lay in bed in pain, crying and can’t sleep or anything. So the next day I’m tired, stressed and feeling like crud. And without sleep the body can’t heal or rejuvenate itself. I have to keep a reserve of energy on my good days by sleeping in on my days off. I catch up on my sleep from the work week on my days off. Sitting in my chair and trying to work and talk to customers, is often a very big task. The pain is horrible and trying to concentrate on something else in difficult. I often ask God what did I do in my life to deserve this. Well, I can think of a few things. But I know that God is an all loving God and wouldn’t punish me for my transgressions this way. But wow, the pain is so bad. I cry a lot about it. They say that suicide is high with Fibromyalgia patients because some can’t cope with the everyday pain and never getting relief. So much research can be done to help us, as patients. I just need to get the word out about this syndrome. So many people don’t understand it because as patients we don’t complain about the pain and put on our happy face when we are out in public so no one hears us complain. Or we stay home cooped up like a hibernating bear. It’s such a difficult syndrome. I’ve lost jobs, missed a Sox game, lost friends, and just plain disappoint myself. I can’t describe the feelings I have about this syndrome but there are days that I am so mad at it. I want to kick it out of my life. But I seem to kick people out of it instead. I just don’t think anyone can handle my syndrome or begin to understand what I go through as a patient with this syndrome. It scares me that I might never find someone who can take care of me the way I need to be cared for.
Let’s talk biofeedback and fibromyalgia. I am a migraine sufferer, also, along with Fibromyalgia. I have suffered with migraines since I was 7 years old and I am now 35. It has been a long haul learning about natural ways to deal with them. One thing I learned from Dr. Robins, at the Robins Headache Clinic, is biofeedback.
Biofeedback is a process that enables an individual to learn how to change physiological activity for the purposes of improving health and performance. Precise instruments measure physiological activity such as brainwaves, heart function, breathing, muscle activity, and skin temperature. These instruments rapidly and accurately “feed back” information to the user. The presentation of this information — often in conjunction with changes in thinking, emotions, and behavior — supports desired physiological changes. Over time, these changes can endure without continued use of an instrument (obtained from The Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback, Inc, on 6/14/2010 at http://www.aapb.org).
Dr. Robins and his staff taught me about biofeedback and gave me tapes to listen too. I was attached to a body temperature device that measured my temp before and after the biofeedback session. It was amazing that I was able to lower my temperature with the biofeedback exercise.
I would highly recommend learning biofeedback techniques for your particular ailment. Fibromyalgia sufferers can use imagery to learn to ease the pain and relax your body. Keep this in mind next time you visit your doctor or counselor. They might be able to direct you to the proper avenues to learn about this technique.