So I came out of a drug induced coma, with no explanation as to why I was healing. But I WAS! I knew why. It was by the grace of God and my angel. I met up with her and her family. We went to dinner several times. She bought me the book, The Purpose Driven Life.
Well, I got out of the hospital and was doing well. It was about 2 months after my surgery that I was able to drive. I finally got my freedom back. It was the best thing, or so I thought!
It was a night in October that I had made plans with I man I called a friend (who shall remain nameless) at the time. I didn’t want to go out alone with him because I was dating someone else (or so I thought). I convinced him to ask this man out. Not a lot of people knew that the other guy and I were dating. We believed in living our lives in privacy. It’s not necessary that everyone knows the date and time you take a crap. So there were about 5 of us that went out. We were having a good time. I had one beer and a shot at the bar. I knew my tolerance was down because I was sick and in the hospital and I drove to the bar. I needed to be careful. I left my beer and went to the bathroom (ladies NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE DO THIS. No matter how well you know someone). I came back and finished my beer. The last thing I remember is waking up in my bed in a complete fog and I couldn’t wake up. I was fully dressed with my shoes by my bed. My car was in the driveway and I have no idea how it got there. I kept waking up and falling asleep. I couldn’t snap out of it. I was in a lot of pain. I had bruising on my arms (thumb prints and hand prints) and up and down my thighs. I couldn’t make sense of what had happened. I called the guy I was seeing and he wouldn’t return my calls until I told him that I needed to find out what happened. He told me what he heard and that he left the house (this guy’s house) that we were at. He did nothing to try to protect me. I would have never done this to a man I was dating. Long story, short, my sexual assault counselor said I had symptoms of being drugged by this person and that it had to be pretty violent given the fact that the bruises were so bad. You know the saying money talks and bullshit walks! Well, I lived it. The asshole cried to his parents, who hired a big shot lawyer and I had no money for a lawyer and had to represent myself. The judge threw everything out and said there wasn’t enough evidence. She wouldn’t even give me an order of protection. So the poor person gets to live the rest of her life as a rape victim and the rapist gets to go free and live his life as if nothing happened.
It took me a long time to trust someone again. A man who began pursuing me would never know how difficult I would be to catch! LOL. It took about 3 months of him talking to me for me to trust him. I told him that I was scared because of what happened to me. He told me he would protect me. He was the sweetest man. I felt safe in his arms. It was on his 40th birthday that we had our first kiss. I will never forget it. I was so happy to be with him. Until, that fateful day when my parents said they were moving to Florida and I had to go with them because I had nowhere to go. So I signed up for every apartment in town. I was on a bunch of waiting lists and told him that I would be visiting every 3 months until I got a place to live. Then one awful day, he went to the ER because he was having pain in his stomach. Come to find out he had esophagus cancer. I came in to town to see him but he wouldn’t see me. I don’t think he wanted me to see how bad he was. But he had great family and friends to help him and take care of him. I am so grateful to them for doing that. He suffered for 5 months. I felt so helpless. But I know that he is in a better place and I will never forget his smile and eyes. And he made me a better person and helped me heal in ways I would have never known. I went back to Florida after the funeral.
4 months later, my best friend was killed in a tragic car accident. It was horrible. So back to Illinois I went for another funeral. I was asked to speak at her funeral and it was an honor.
My life has not been fair to me and I don’t know if I will ever really pick up the pieces………….
So many times I look at my life and wonder where I would be now if I had never gotten sick? I am 40 years old now and just never thought my life would have turned out this way. I’m living with my parents. I’m single and have no children. But I have a loyal dog! I really thought I would make a great mother. I love kids. I was never asked to be anyone’s godmother, which really hurt. I often wondered why no one wanted me to be their child’s godmother. And I’ve never been a maid of honor. Why? I’m not sure. The closest I ever got was to be a wedding coordinator for my roommates wedding. That was such an honor. I got to make sure things went smooth on her wedding day. It was really fun. After that, I had thought about becoming a wedding planner.
But after college, I sought out jobs in the counseling industry and took a job where the atmosphere was hostile between staffers and no one was on the same page with the kids in the group home. It was a hostile work environment because the kids would ask me to do something against the rules and I’d say no. Then the other staffers would say yes. It was crazy. From there, I took a job in the office as a customer service rep. Then the nightmare started. I started with my migraines all over again (just like in high school). I was exhausted and in pain. I ended up quitting that job because my boss was making it a very difficult place for me to work. I was being bullied and now a days, that would probably be punishable. I just didn’t know what to do at the time. From there I took a few other jobs in the office. I lost my jobs to my illness. I would work for 2 years and they would end up firing me because I would miss too much work. It was a repetitive cycle. Then I decided I would work on my Master’s to find something that I loved to do. Perhaps that would make life easier. So I got my Master’s in Human Resources and in Counseling. I couldn’t do anything with them either. I found my dream job at a DUI facility. I was running group sessions for clients who were convicted with DUI’s. I loved the job and I was being groomed for bigger and better things.
My life took a turn for the worse when I started having stomach pains. It got worse and worse, I went into the ER. After the third night in a row of me being in the ER, they finally took it seriously. I think the fact that I looked like I was 6 months pregnant made things a little alarming for them. Come to find out I had a bowel obstruction. I went in for the surgery. When I came out of it, my oxygen levels dropped below 50% and my heart rate shot up to 180-200 bpm. They knew something was wrong and took me back into the operating room. Come to find out I contracted something in my lungs, in the OR. It was so serious that they ended up putting me in a medically induced coma. I was in a coma for 3 days. The doctors told my mom that chances are I wasn’t going to make it. THEN, my mom was in the waiting room of the ICU and a Spanish lady came up to her to ask if she could pray with her. My mom said yes. She asked if she could come in my room and pray over me. My mom agreed. We are believers and would welcome any help at that point. My mom said she prayed over me. After that, I began improving and the doctors had no explanation. My mom, dad and I do! We know the Lord had a hand in healing me. I was taken out of the coma and began healing after that. The lady asked if she could meet me. We said of course. She came in and prayed over me again. And I could feel her energy come right through my body. It was a warming sensation. I really started healing after that. I don’t know how to explain it. That was almost 3 years ago.
We have been hit by a HUGE snow storm here and it’s wreaking havoc on my body. My upper thighs are killing me and my hip joints hurt so bad. I haven’t felt that in a while. Schools are closed tomorrow and they have been telling us all day to stay off the roads. I have the start of physical therapy tomorrow afternoon. So I am going to call to see if they are open. I really don’t want to drive in this mess. It’s been snowing for over 24 hours. My poor dog has no where to go potty. And it’s just awful walking him outside in this weather. The cold just goes right through me!! I am hoping to get some help with the pain in my body via physical therapy. I’ve wanted to try it for a while. We shall see.
Has anyone tried physical therapy for their pain? What did you have done and how did it work?
Well, yesterday was a REALLY bad day. The pain has been building up. The pain is in my thighs and arms. It would not go away with any of the medications I have. I have tried the Flexeril, Ibuprofen, Tramadol, and Vicodin. Nothing is touching the pain. It escalated to the point that I couldn’t even walk.
As a precaution I have all of my meds and a glass of water on my nightstand. I have basket of all of my meds. It’s kind of crazy, but I have to prepare for the worst. And the worst happened yesterday. The meds worked well enough to get me out of bed and up the stairs to eat breakfast and then up again at dinner time. But I just had my breakfast and dinner held until I could get out of bed.
I am very fortunate to be living with my parents, who help me out a lot. I try not to ask much of them. But they are kind enough to take my dog out and feed him in the morning. He’s an early riser and grandma takes him potty when she gets up for work. Then he likes to go in with Papa and have his cuddle time in the morning. It really helps me out. I can’t get out of bed before ten on most days. It’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because I am so very exhausted.
My mom and I are taking a class through a local medical facility. It’s a warm water arthritis class. It had to be okayed by our doctors. I’m hoping it helps both of us out. She had fibromyalgia too. I am looking forward to it. It starts tomorrow. Then I got a script from my doctor to go for warm water physical therapy. I found a place in town to go too.
All in all, these past 2 days have been really rough. I am still in pain, but I was able to get out of bed and shower today. That’s a huge thing, sometimes! It takes a lot out of me to shower on bad days.
I had a very rough day today. The pain started at 3 AM. I tried not taking anything because I needed to be some where today. But when I rolled over at 6:30 AM, I couldn’t take the pain and needed to take my meds. It was a pain like I haven’t had in quite some time! It was widespread pain. My arms, legs, back, and neck were killing me. It was awful!
My doctor gave me a new medicine called Baclofen. It’s another muscle relaxant. It is stronger than Flexeril. My insurance company said they were not going to insure the Flexeril any longer. I was very nervous because it was helping with my pain. But my doctor gave me some samples of Baclofen to try. It works. It does appear to be stronger. So I can now begin using it for my pain, along with my other basket full of meds by my bed.
Well, I had an errand to run today and had to do it no matter how I felt. My aunt was counting on me and I already rescheduled. We were supposed to do it on Tuesday. So I felt obligated to do it. I hate having to cancel on people when I am not feeling well. It’s so inconvenient for the other person. They get up and get ready and then I call and cancel their plans. I hate it. I feel like such a loser. But the pain and exhaustion gets the best of me and I can’t function.
A few weeks ago I had plans with a friend that I just reconnected with after not talking for years. I felt completely awful and couldn’t function. I woke up at 4 am in horrible pain. So I took my meds and knew I had to be up at 8 am. So I set my alarm and when I woke up, I still felt awful. My entire body was in pain and the medication, Flexeril, wasn’t working at all. But it makes me extremely loopy. So I sent her a text message at 8 am to let her know that I wasn’t going to be able to make it. I didn’t want to call because I didn’t want to wake her up. WELLLLL, that wasn’t the case at all. I woke up at noon too missed phone calls and tones of texts. In my loopy state, I sent my aunt the text that I couldn’t make it for coffee (to which she replied to me that she had no clue what I was talking about). And texts, phone calls, and voice mail from my friend wondering where the heck I was. I would have been so upset with me if I were her. And that’s the life of a Fibromyalgia Sufferer! My life is one big mixed up mess.
I feel awful that my life consists of constantly cancelling on people. And I don’t know if they really understand what I am going through or not. But I have to look at it from their perspective thinking how annoying I must be to have in the family or be friends with.
English: An assortment of different medicines and remedies used to treat soldiers during the American Civil War era on display at the battle of Corydon in 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I got a new prescription strength topical cream from my doctor in the mail today. I tried it and it appears to work. I’m not sure if it’s all in my head. The best part is it’s $1.00 to purchase it. I expected it to be so much more. I look forward to trying new treatments with my new pain management doctor. He’s very knowledgeable. I wish I had gone to someone like him a long time ago. I highly recommend going to a place like this if you are dealing with any kind of pain. I got to an office called The National Pain Institute. It’s a great place. He, also, gave me a new prescription for my pain and refilled my other pain medications. And he wants to start me on a vitamin IV treatment. I’m so happy I went to him.
So I have really bad PMS right now and the pain is causing my Fibromyalgia symptoms to flair too. I woke up this morning in a complete fog. My upper and lower parts of my arms, upper thighs, and stomach all hurt. It took all I had to get out of bed to let my poor baby boy (dog) out today. He is really the reason I get out of bed on most days. He really gets me motivated.
My hormones are really bad right now and my period just makes my attitude worse, too. The pain throughout my body makes things so much worse. I had a bout of shingles last week and now this. I just seem to have 2 straight weeks of pain throughout the month. It’s really bad.
I woke up this morning feeling as if I never slept at all. I forced myself out of bed and walked my dog. I went and got my Dunkin Donuts 1/2 caf and 1/2 decaf coffee to start my day out right. I was really hoping that would get me going. I did log in for work and started working. The pain got worse and worse. It was in my back, legs, arms and chest. I finally gave up at 5:30 pm CST. I couldn’t take the pain any more. I felt so defeated. I let the stupid pain beat me down. I hate this when it happens. I feel like I have failed myself, my job, and my parents. I live with my parents and usually let them know that I am not feeling well and let my mom know before I laid down. I ended up having to take a Vicodin to stop the pain and all that did was just relax me so that I didn’t feel as bad as I did. When I laid down, my chest was pulsating with pain. It was an odd sensation.
This brings me down so much when it overcomes me to a point that I can not handle it. I tried so hard to not let it beat me down. I was ready to cry. I started getting snippy with the customers on the phone and started feeling really sad and the pain was overwhelming. I couldn’t sit in my chair anymore and do my job. I lost concentration.
I laid down and my mom came and got me for dinner. It was so nice. My baby boy (dog, Ozzie) laid with me. He seems to sense when mommy doesn’t feel well and comes and cuddles with me until I relax. Then he gets down and lays by the bed. He is my rock. He gets me out of bed every day because I know he needs to be walked so he can go potty. If it weren’t for him I would stay in bed all of the time.
I was able to get back on the phones 1 1/2 hours later. So I didn’t miss a tone of work. That is one of the benefits of working from home. I don’t miss as much work. I just miss spurts and can get back on the phones when the pain is manageable.
Life with Fibromyalgia-Written on 4/22/10-So life with fibromyalgia is not an easy route. I have pain everyday of my life. But it’s to what extent I can handle the pain both mentally and physically. Today I can’t handle it either ways. The pain really gets me down. I have so many physical ailments that accompany my illness….mitrovalve prolapse, IBS, migraines, shingles, and a lowered immune system because of the syndrome. I am on some meds but mostly minerals, herbs and vitamins. I am trying to do this as naturally as I can. But when the pain is as bad as it is tonight there is nothing that I can do. I just have to suffer through it and hope that tomorrow is a better day. This syndrome really gets me down. I can’t have a normal day or life. The pain is always there and my nerves are always rapidly firing. So something always hurts. Some have occasional back aches, headaches and can take something for it to get rid of it. Perhaps a massage or a cold/heat pack can help. Not me. First, don’t touch me when I’m in pain…it sends me off into more pain….then some meds aren’t strong enough to settle the pain down. So I sometimes lay in bed in pain, crying and can’t sleep or anything. So the next day I’m tired, stressed and feeling like crud. And without sleep the body can’t heal or rejuvenate itself. I have to keep a reserve of energy on my good days by sleeping in on my days off. I catch up on my sleep from the work week on my days off. Sitting in my chair and trying to work and talk to customers, is often a very big task. The pain is horrible and trying to concentrate on something else in difficult. I often ask God what did I do in my life to deserve this. Well, I can think of a few things. But I know that God is an all loving God and wouldn’t punish me for my transgressions this way. But wow, the pain is so bad. I cry a lot about it. They say that suicide is high with Fibromyalgia patients because some can’t cope with the everyday pain and never getting relief. So much research can be done to help us, as patients. I just need to get the word out about this syndrome. So many people don’t understand it because as patients we don’t complain about the pain and put on our happy face when we are out in public so no one hears us complain. Or we stay home cooped up like a hibernating bear. It’s such a difficult syndrome. I’ve lost jobs, missed a Sox game, lost friends, and just plain disappoint myself. I can’t describe the feelings I have about this syndrome but there are days that I am so mad at it. I want to kick it out of my life. But I seem to kick people out of it instead. I just don’t think anyone can handle my syndrome or begin to understand what I go through as a patient with this syndrome. It scares me that I might never find someone who can take care of me the way I need to be cared for.