Painful Day-wrote 7/12/10

I woke up this morning feeling as if I never slept at all. I forced myself out of bed and walked my dog. I went and got my Dunkin Donuts 1/2 caf and 1/2 decaf coffee to start my day out right. I was really hoping that would get me going. I did log in for work and started working. The pain got worse and worse. It was in my back, legs, arms and chest. I finally gave up at 5:30 pm CST. I couldn’t take the pain any more. I felt so defeated. I let the stupid pain beat me down. I hate this when it happens. I feel like I have failed myself, my job, and my parents. I live with my parents and usually let them know that I am not feeling well and let my mom know before I laid down. I ended up having to take a Vicodin to stop the pain and all that did was just relax me so that I didn’t feel as bad as I did. When I laid down, my chest was pulsating with pain. It was an odd sensation.

This brings me down so much when it overcomes me to a point that I can not handle it. I tried so hard to not let it beat me down. I was ready to cry. I started getting snippy with the customers on the phone and started feeling really sad and the pain was overwhelming. I couldn’t sit in my chair anymore and do my job. I lost concentration.

I laid down and my mom came and got me for dinner. It was so nice. My baby boy (dog, Ozzie) laid with me. He seems to sense when mommy doesn’t feel well and comes and cuddles with me until I relax. Then he gets down and lays by the bed. He is my rock. He gets me out of bed every day because I know he needs to be walked so he can go potty. If it weren’t for him I would stay in bed all of the time.

I was able to get back on the phones 1 1/2 hours later. So I didn’t miss a tone of work. That is one of the benefits of working from home. I don’t miss as much work. I just miss spurts and can get back on the phones when the pain is manageable.

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