Life with Fibromyalgia-Written on 4/22/10-So life with fibromyalgia is not an easy route. I have pain everyday of my life. But it’s to what extent I can handle the pain both mentally and physically. Today I can’t handle it either ways. The pain really gets me down. I have so many physical ailments that accompany my illness….mitrovalve prolapse, IBS, migraines, shingles, and a lowered immune system because of the syndrome. I am on some meds but mostly minerals, herbs and vitamins. I am trying to do this as naturally as I can. But when the pain is as bad as it is tonight there is nothing that I can do. I just have to suffer through it and hope that tomorrow is a better day. This syndrome really gets me down. I can’t have a normal day or life. The pain is always there and my nerves are always rapidly firing. So something always hurts. Some have occasional back aches, headaches and can take something for it to get rid of it. Perhaps a massage or a cold/heat pack can help. Not me. First, don’t touch me when I’m in pain…it sends me off into more pain….then some meds aren’t strong enough to settle the pain down. So I sometimes lay in bed in pain, crying and can’t sleep or anything. So the next day I’m tired, stressed and feeling like crud. And without sleep the body can’t heal or rejuvenate itself. I have to keep a reserve of energy on my good days by sleeping in on my days off. I catch up on my sleep from the work week on my days off. Sitting in my chair and trying to work and talk to customers, is often a very big task. The pain is horrible and trying to concentrate on something else in difficult. I often ask God what did I do in my life to deserve this. Well, I can think of a few things. But I know that God is an all loving God and wouldn’t punish me for my transgressions this way. But wow, the pain is so bad. I cry a lot about it. They say that suicide is high with Fibromyalgia patients because some can’t cope with the everyday pain and never getting relief. So much research can be done to help us, as patients. I just need to get the word out about this syndrome. So many people don’t understand it because as patients we don’t complain about the pain and put on our happy face when we are out in public so no one hears us complain. Or we stay home cooped up like a hibernating bear. It’s such a difficult syndrome. I’ve lost jobs, missed a Sox game, lost friends, and just plain disappoint myself. I can’t describe the feelings I have about this syndrome but there are days that I am so mad at it. I want to kick it out of my life. But I seem to kick people out of it instead. I just don’t think anyone can handle my syndrome or begin to understand what I go through as a patient with this syndrome. It scares me that I might never find someone who can take care of me the way I need to be cared for.